


Of Sunflowers and Sulphur

by garbagebear (paranoidparsnip)



Series: TG drabbles [5]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, M/M, not entirely angst for once holy balls, probably never going to happen again, sort of casual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-21 07:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoidparsnip/pseuds/garbagebear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide and Kaneki finally make time to just sit down and have a chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Sunflowers and Sulphur

**Author's Note:**

> Realized most of my ficlets are relatively dialogue light, so I made up for it by having pretty much nonstop conversation.

"But I mean it!" Hide protested, brows furrowed at the increasing sardonic laugh across the table.

"Sure. You keep thinking that." Replied Kaneki, raising the cup of coffee to his lips. He took a sip of the scalding liquid and rolled his eyes when his friend's frown turned into a pout. "If you keep making that face, it'll stick that way."

"Why don't you believe me? You really are a good guy, even if you don't think so."

"Says who? You? You've known me for years, you're biased."

"Well, yeah, but it also means that I know you the best! So I can firmly say, as an expert on the matter, that you are a very good guy."

"If you are that determined to delude yourself, be my guest." Kaneki said dismissively, hoping to change the subject.

Yet ever diligent, Hide continued. "Stop beating yourself up so much, jeez. We both know it's not your fault about some of your culinary choices-"

"Hide, can we please stop talking about this?" But he continued on, distracted by his own monologue and intent on following this train of thought.

"-because that's just life, y'know? We all do what we have to do to keep kicking and if that means chomping on a few pieces of mystery meat, then so what?"

" _Hide._ " The ghoul hissed, "I appreciate it, but can you try to be less obvious? I don't want people to start getting jumpy."

Looking around himself, he noticed the stir of people in the cafe had picked up the pace. Sheepishly, he lowered both his head and his tone. "Sorry."

Kaneki put down the coffee and massaged his eyes with a sigh. "Don't worry about it, just try to keep it down, please."

The air in the shop gradually returned to its casual pace, people ordering their drinks and either sitting at the arranged tables or rushing through the door to their own business. Hide felt slightly guilty that he had caused the stir in the first place. As the beginnings of an apology started, the figure seated opposite gave a small shake of the head. Staring into the mug of dark brown liquid, he gave the coffee a swirl and mumbled something that Hide just barely caught.

"...It's not even that, though."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not even the dietary part that's the problem."

"You mean about being a good person?"

Kaneki nodded in agreement, "Going out to get the food is unavoidable but..." He gave another, longer sigh, this time with disgust and bitterness tangible in the exhale, "...good people, good people don't like it. Or at least, they feel something about it. Either pleasure or regret. They at least have that."

"I think enjoying it would be worse than being neutral, Kaneki." Hide drew his words out carefully, choosing them warily as to not hurt his feelings.

"I guess. Used to think that as well, until I had an 'encounter' with someone like that." He reflexively cracked his knuckles, "but I started to realize that it was just a way they dealt with their own fucked up problems."

"That's not an excuse." Hide huffed, recalling the barest of details that Kaneki had given about that situation. The thought of it still made his blood boil in anger and then freeze in grief.

"No, it's not. But it makes sense. Regret also makes sense, it doesn't help anyone, but it makes sense. Apathy just _is._ "

"Maybe it's just another way to deal with stuff." Forcing as much sincerity into his voice as he could, he met Kaneki's eyes. "It doesn't automatically make you a bad person."

"Be that as it may, it sure feels like it." The grey irises were focused on him for only a moment before they returned to some imaginary point in the distance.

Again they returned to silence, as one was drawn into retrospective reflection and the other wondering if he should inquire. Daring to lift his voice again he said softly, "You know, if you ever want to talk about it, I'll be more than happy to listen. If you never want to talk about it either, I'm okay with that, too. Don't feel like you can't mention it because you're afraid that I'll get hurt or something."

Shocked into returning to the present, Kaneki's eyes widened slightly and then resumed their usual state. "What's done is done. I don't see what good it would do anyone. Besides probably nauseating you." His attempt at levity fell extremely short.

"Just throwing that out there." He said with a tossing gesture.

"Thanks."

The crash of a plate from behind the kitchen counter caused Hide to jump. Kaneki just glanced over at the mess without reacting.

"And I thought I was the one running on no sleep." The ghoul drawled out, bemused.

"It just surprised me, that's all."

"You need to go to bed earlier, or else you'll start looking like this." Kaneki pointed at himself with a self-depreciating chuckle. Indeed, the many nights of failed rest showed quite visibly on his features.

Hide rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah I got it. Look at the pot calling the kettle black, go to bed earlier yourself."

"So I can spend even longer staring at my ceiling, awake? No thanks. I'll end up crashing here in a day or so. I'll catch up then."

"Blacking out is not the same as sleeping, man."

"Close enough for me."

"It's not good for you."

"There is an ever increasing number of things that are not 'good' for me. Sleep is at the bottom of my list."

"Tried taking anything for it?" The reply was a slow, pointed blink.

"Ah right, dietary issues." He waved it off as if it were an unimportant detail, eliciting a snort from his companion.

"What're you huffing about this time?"

" _Dietary issues._ " Kaneki shook his head in silent humor. "Like I'm lactose intolerant or something."

"That's nothing to scoff at! I once had a stomach for two days from eating an entire tub of ice cream."

"It's not as though it was trying to escape or anything."

"It was melting, it might as well have been!" He said, defensive.

As they both were attacked by a comfortable wave of laughter, Hide more so than Kaneki, the young man with white hair gave a gentle smile, one almost out of place on his serious features. If he tried hard enough, he could imagine that they were back in the old days, when college drama and new books held reign over their lives. The little shop they were in, while no Anteiku, was decent enough in its own right. Better suited to the bustle of daily life for those in the workforce than for people who wanted to kill time and chat over a cup of coffee. If he _really_ tried, he could pretend that it was normal, that they did this every week to keep in touch, a couple of college kids catching up in a cafe.

But like the veneer of calm he forced upon every waking moment, it was nothing but an illusion. A facade of composure sloppily pasted over the outlines of a constant urge. He wasn't sure if the urge was to scream or sink into hysteric laughter or sob. The urge did not define itself so readily. It was there, occasionally seeping through the paper layer of normalcy. When it chose to appear, he did his best to isolate himself- violence had been forcefully ingrained into his nerves as the solution. It sometimes worked. It sometimes destroyed whatever room, building, or area that he chose to occupy, too.

However, in the quiet moments such as this, where even if for a few minutes he could mimic the guise of what he once had, he could allow an absent part of himself contentment. Truthfully at times, it felt like a poorly choreographed dance around the elephant in the room, with both partners aware but pretending otherwise. He and Hide knew the situation for what it was but the show must go on. A faked performance is better than no show at all.

**Author's Note:**

> -unimportant note-  
> i'm 1/2 tempted to either (struggle and fail) write a bit of shippy fluff or  
> gO STRAIGHT FOR THE FUCKIN' HEARTBREAK.  
> don't know which yet.  
> thanks for reading.


End file.
